Thicken Eyelashes FDA Approved

The FDA has just approved a new drug for -- get this -- thickening your eyelashes! They even claim it treats a "disease." You might suspect the disease is called something like "Thin Eyelashes Disorder" but no, as usual they have a really technical sounding term for it: hypotrichosis which means, in Latin, "Thin Eyelashes Disorder."

"Hypo" means sub-par or under-performing.

"Tricho" means hair.

"sis" means a disease or disorder.

And thus, "hypotrichosis" just means thin eyelashes disorder. But it sounds really medicalized, doesn't it? Gee, if they use Latin, it must be a real disease, right? Just like osteoporosis (bones-with-holes-in-them disorder).

The drug (called "Latisse") is made by the same medical geniuses who brought us all Botox -- a drug made from deadly bacteria that are injected into your skin to paralyze your muscles into a state of wrinkle-free numbness. Is this really the best application of modern medical technology?

I'm just glad the FDA has its priorities straightened out. Let's see: We have drugs that stop wrinkles, drugs that reverse baldness, drugs that produce six-hour erections and probably even a drug that attacks bad breath that we haven't heard about yet. And now we can add to that list a new drug that treats thin eyelashes disorder.

Apparently, any biological feature or function that matters on a date gets top priority at the FDA. After all, if Americans had to date each other with thin eyelashes, bald heads, wrinkled faces and flaccid penises, nobody would ever reproduce and who, then, would the drug companies sell their next generation of drugs to?

Welcome to the world of chemically-enhanced dating, where you're never really sure if the person you're taking out on the town is really who they seem to be, or just a pharmaceuticalized augmentation of that person's secret cosmetic wish list.